incredible.

i am constantly in awe of the Gospel. and today is no exception. i've literally been sitting in my room for over an hour just dwelling on the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. i've heard the stories my entire life, yet i still haven't gotten over it. the thought that we are fully known and STILL fully loved by the Creator of this world is absolutely incredible to my tiny little mind. he knew the sins and thoughts of my stained and dirty heart, but counted the cost worthy. incredible. i pray that i live in constant astonishment of the Gospel every single day of my life. it has the power to change lives. it's definitely changed mine.

"blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him." -romans 4:7-8

amazing grace.

"your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me..."

i sat in my car listening to this song and trying to understand these words for a good ten minutes or so. i haven't gotten very far. it's difficult for me to fathom. a love that NEVER fails. a love that NEVER gives up. a love that NEVER runs out. what? as hard as it is for me to comprehend, i fall more and more in love with the Lord because of this. i can't understand it, i can't repay him, i can't even thank him enough, yet he willingly and freely overwhelms my soul with it. the graciousness of Jesus blows me away. i miss some sweet little guatemalan babies today. i miss them every day, but today especially. as much as i long to, i can't be there to love on them. to rock them to sleep. to smother their little cheeks with kisses. to tickle them until their smile lights up the room and they're gasping for air. but the thing that gives me peace is knowing that the Lord is so much better at that job than i could ever be. sure, he might not physically do those things, but he takes great delight in them, quiets them with his love, and rejoices over them with singing. dang. we serve a good God. i'm reading the explicit gospel by matt chandler at the moment, {which i would buy a copy for every single person i know so they would read it if i could} and as he once again tells the story of the gospel, i am overwhelmed. literally. i was lying in bed awake for a good hour because i couldn't even begin to wrap my mind around the grace and love that is Jesus. i love the fact that he doesn't just do the bare minimum, but he goes above and beyond, and it leaves me in awe. those are good moments. thanks be to Jesus who saved a wretch like me.

05.27.12

"...remember that at that time you were separate from Christ... without hope and without God in the world. but now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ." -ephesians 2:12-13

this weekend has been sweet. i'm grateful for the blood of Jesus that washes me clean. this life is sweet. God is gracious. i'm thankful. xoxo.

the hard places and the grace that covers over...

sometimes i wish that life was easy.
that there was no such thing as trouble, pain, or sorrow.
and that all was well in the world.
but today, that is not the case.

today i wake up late.
i have a headache and i'm still tired.
i just put mascara and athletic clothing on because i don't feel like getting ready.
i don't eat lunch until 1:30, and it's unhealthy at that.
i lay on my couch wrapped in a snuggie with a good movie instead of cleaning my messy room.
i fall asleep instead of reading a book i need to write an essay on.
i'm grumpy and impatient and stressed.

but.
today i also wake up with mercy from Jesus that's new every morning.
his grace is sufficient for me.

and today i remember that he carried my sin so i could live in his grace.
he received the condemnation and shame that I deserved and replaced it with righteousness.
he took the thirty-nine lashes so i wouldn't have to.
and his bruised, bloody, and beautiful body was nailed on a cross that was meant for me.

sometimes i wonder why my life is messy and things don't go as planned.
and that's when it's through the mess that Jesus reminds me that is exactly why he came.
so i don't have to do this by myself.
so i can cry and pray and tell Jesus that i'm tired of trying and i can't do it by myself.
so i can entrust him with my pain, knowing he makes beauty from ashes.
so i can remember the gospel.

that while i was yet a sinner, Christ died for me.
these broken days draw me to him and he whispers softly, "THAT is why i came for you.."
i don't have to lie in my mess and filth any longer.
i can laugh even when i've had a terrible day because my joy comes from him and not circumstances.

Jesus is good to bring me these hard days.
because that's usually when i see my desperation...
but most of all, that's usually when i see his steadfast love and grace that knows no bounds.

today i'm thankful for the hard places.

trusting in Jesus.

sometimes... life is hard.

my grandma was admitted into the hospital this past weekend for a cancerous tumor
in her brain and brain surgery.
i came home to find out that she only has 9-15 months left to live... what?
wasn't expecting that.

so obviously, i've been an emotional wreck...
i want my grandma at my graduation.
at my wedding.
at my college graduation.
the list goes on.
surrendering those wants to Jesus has, up to this point, been one of the most difficult and painful things i've ever had to do.
but i realize that giving the Lord my dreams and desires especially when it
hurts is most often the times that He is most glorified.

Jesus has been teaching me so much about putting my trust in Him.
and i constantly have to ask Him to increase my faith.
but He is so patient and gracious with me, and His mercies are new every morning.

all that to say, yesterday, when they took some more tests, they weren't able to find cancer anywhere in her body.
the doctor was shocked.
and we are so thankful.

they are going to take some more tests to test again for cancer, but if those come back clear than it looks like the Lord healed her.
thank you Jesus for miracles.

thank YOU if you have prayed! the power of prayer is so beautiful.

'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...

psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you annoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

following.

as of lately...

sometimes... i forget the goodness of Jesus.
and i hate that feeling. i go through minutes, hours, days, sometimes even weeks, anxious and stressed out.
the story of mary and martha has been heavy on my heart lately.
it's a popular story, but the conviction is always
there, regardless of how many times i hear it.

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.'

-Luke 10:38-42

dang.
today has been one of those days... i have so much to do... and just sitting still at the feet of Jesus doesn't sound like a very good way to get things done.
but then again, the Lord usually doesn't do things my way.

i don't want to be religious. rushing around, just DOING things for Jesus.
if it doesn't overflow from a heart of love for Christ, what's the point?
works without faith is empty.

do i trust the Lord enough that i don't have to worry, because
news flash: he's in control. not me.
and he's not holding out on me either...
Matthew 6:25-34 is a perfect example of that.


i want to follow Jesus in every season, not just in the ones i understand.
teach me to follow you blindly.