the hard places and the grace that covers over...

sometimes i wish that life was easy.
that there was no such thing as trouble, pain, or sorrow.
and that all was well in the world.
but today, that is not the case.

today i wake up late.
i have a headache and i'm still tired.
i just put mascara and athletic clothing on because i don't feel like getting ready.
i don't eat lunch until 1:30, and it's unhealthy at that.
i lay on my couch wrapped in a snuggie with a good movie instead of cleaning my messy room.
i fall asleep instead of reading a book i need to write an essay on.
i'm grumpy and impatient and stressed.

but.
today i also wake up with mercy from Jesus that's new every morning.
his grace is sufficient for me.

and today i remember that he carried my sin so i could live in his grace.
he received the condemnation and shame that I deserved and replaced it with righteousness.
he took the thirty-nine lashes so i wouldn't have to.
and his bruised, bloody, and beautiful body was nailed on a cross that was meant for me.

sometimes i wonder why my life is messy and things don't go as planned.
and that's when it's through the mess that Jesus reminds me that is exactly why he came.
so i don't have to do this by myself.
so i can cry and pray and tell Jesus that i'm tired of trying and i can't do it by myself.
so i can entrust him with my pain, knowing he makes beauty from ashes.
so i can remember the gospel.

that while i was yet a sinner, Christ died for me.
these broken days draw me to him and he whispers softly, "THAT is why i came for you.."
i don't have to lie in my mess and filth any longer.
i can laugh even when i've had a terrible day because my joy comes from him and not circumstances.

Jesus is good to bring me these hard days.
because that's usually when i see my desperation...
but most of all, that's usually when i see his steadfast love and grace that knows no bounds.

today i'm thankful for the hard places.

trusting in Jesus.

sometimes... life is hard.

my grandma was admitted into the hospital this past weekend for a cancerous tumor
in her brain and brain surgery.
i came home to find out that she only has 9-15 months left to live... what?
wasn't expecting that.

so obviously, i've been an emotional wreck...
i want my grandma at my graduation.
at my wedding.
at my college graduation.
the list goes on.
surrendering those wants to Jesus has, up to this point, been one of the most difficult and painful things i've ever had to do.
but i realize that giving the Lord my dreams and desires especially when it
hurts is most often the times that He is most glorified.

Jesus has been teaching me so much about putting my trust in Him.
and i constantly have to ask Him to increase my faith.
but He is so patient and gracious with me, and His mercies are new every morning.

all that to say, yesterday, when they took some more tests, they weren't able to find cancer anywhere in her body.
the doctor was shocked.
and we are so thankful.

they are going to take some more tests to test again for cancer, but if those come back clear than it looks like the Lord healed her.
thank you Jesus for miracles.

thank YOU if you have prayed! the power of prayer is so beautiful.

'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...

psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you annoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.