"Blessed assurance; Jesus is mine."

If you know me at all, you probably know how much politics interest me and how much I enjoy having political conversations. I definitely don't know a lot, but I love hearing other opinions and views. Recently, I watched Barack Obama's speech after the tragic shooting in Oregon. At one point in his speech, he said, "America will wrap everyone who's grieving with our prayers and our love... But our thoughts and prayers are not enough." To keep that statement in context, he continued to discuss his desire for tighter gun control laws and more regulation. Despite any personal political views, I was struck with sadness when I heard this statement. I understand his point was that something must be done to keep these tragedies from occurring, yet it hurt my heart hearing someone undermine the power of prayer.

Growing up in a sweet, Christian home and choosing to follow Jesus at nine years old, I've always known the importance of prayer. It began as something you say before a meal and before you fall asleep, and has grown into a continual dialogue throughout the day. However, it's funny how the Lord continues to teach you something that you thought you knew nearly everything about. Throughout the past two months, I've been overwhelmed with all the Lord has continued to teach me about prayer.

A month or so ago, I found myself praying for someone and ending my request with, "if it's Your will." Although it is so necessary for us to pray within the will of Christ and have a heart of humility, knowing His thoughts are so much higher than ours, I was convicted in the way I said that. I realized that when I asked the Lord for something bold, I didn't fully believe He could or would do it. Deep in the corners of my heart, I was afraid of getting disappointed. So, in order to avoid this, I "softened" my audacious prayer.

In doing so, I've missed out on so much. Instead, I began to pray general prayers asking the Lord to bless so-and-so and that the Lord would continue to teach us about Himself. By not praying specifically and boldly, I was safe from feeling any disappointment. I was also safe from seeing any miracles. Without asking for specific things from the Lord, I missed out on any chance of seeing Him answer those prayers.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Hebrews, which is filled with words like "certainty" and "confidence." Hebrews 4:16 says to draw near to the throne of grace with confidence. Hebrews 6: 19 tells us that we have a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain. Hebrews 10:19 says we have confidence to enter the holy places by Jesus' blood. Hebrews 10:22 says to draw near with a heart in full assurance of faith.

We have this unbelievable opportunity to approach the Lord with confidence, yet we so often miss it because we're afraid. In a sermon by Matt Chandler, he talks about the importance of devoting yourself to prayer. He references Isaiah 62:6-7:

"On your walls, O Jerusalem, I have set watchmen; all the day and all the night they shall never be silent. You who put the Lord in remembrance, take no rest, and give him no rest until he establishes Jerusalem and makes it a praise in the earth."

He explains that verse and says one of the sweetest, craziest things I've ever heard: God loves being "bothered" by his children so much that he literally appoints people to bother him.
We are loved by a God who tells us to pray to him and "give him no rest."

He delights in our prayers. He delights in our asking. Our tiniest prayers are no less important than our big prayers. Our prayers aren't something that the Lord endures for our sake, they're something that he desires. And when we pray, things happen. It may not be that our circumstances turns in the opposite direction, or things fall into place exactly how we want, but the Lord is still working. It may not change my situation, but it changes me.

God is a good, good Father with good, good plans for us. Like a sweet dad who adores his child, the Lord desires for us to cry out the needs and hopes we have for our lives. Christ's power is shown the strongest in our weakest moments. We can entrust our life and our future to a God who cares for us and asks us to come.

Let us be known as people whose lives overflow with an unshakable confidence in an unshakable God.

like the rain.

It's 11:30 pm and I'm sitting in my room in the dark with nothing but the flickering of a candle 

and the sound of sweet, unexpected rain outside my window. My mind is swirling with thoughts of to-do lists and homework and reflections on the last few days. 

My life has drastically changed in the last four months. Some in big ways, like moving to Tennessee for three months and my plans after college, but mostly in somewhat little ways, like stirrings that the Lord has placed in my heart and growth in many areas of life. It feels like I'm caught up in a whirlwind, yet simultaneously, I feel an abundance of peace. 

One of the hardest things about coming home from anything - camp, a mission trip, an internship - is the difficulty in describing moments that no one else saw and no one else felt. Trying to express all the tiny experiences and the great big ones, yet not being able to put words to the emotions you felt in your heart. It's a strange thing, when things you are overflowing with passion about are not shared by those around you. Not that they don't care, far from that, but because they just weren't there. 

Unfortunately, when that has happened in the past, I've watched myself lose the passion and forget the feelings that I felt so strongly because I became discouraged and felt lonely in my feelings. Despite the intensity of my emotions, they fell way to thoughts of discouragement that no one else "got it" and what I felt wasn't enough to be used by the Lord to invoke a passion or desire in someone's life. 

Coming home after living in another state, over 950 miles away, I felt those same feelings but 1,000x stronger. The countless things I had learned during my internship on our role in caring for the orphan, the things the Lord showed me about learning to let go and trusting His heart for me, and even the small things, like overcoming my worry of the future and being in a place where I didn't know a soul. These are only a small part of all I experienced in those three months, and being able to articulate that has been hard. Yet this time, it's been different than it has in the past. I came home with the same passion that I have many times before when the Lord has spoken to me about things, but instead of quickly becoming discouraged that no one truly feels all that the Lord has done in those three months, He's given me such peace in reminding me that no one will fully comprehend, yet some things were meant just for me. 

Those busy days in the office, those prayers late at night, and those quiet minutes sitting outside were moments the Lord orchestrated for me. I often find myself understanding God's love for the nations, yet finding it difficult to grasp the love He has for me. "For God so loved the world...", yes, but "For God so loved me..." as well. Our God is a personal God. He delights in our awe and joy towards Him and is ever so faithful to cause moments that invoke that awe and joy. 

For those who know me, sunsets are one of my favorite things in the whole wide world (my camera roll could prove that). Fortunately, I live in a place that I'm convinced has the best ones. When I was in Tennessee this summer, I said so many times how much I missed west Texas sunsets and how much I wanted a killer sunset. The consistency of a sunset day after day always reminds me of the Lord's faithfulness and it amazes me that He is so creative to make an entirely new one every day. On the day I moved from Columbia to Nashville, with only a few weeks left of my internship, there was one of the prettiest sunsets I have ever seen. It sounds small and insignificant, but it's such a reminder that the Lord cares for even the smallest whispers of our hearts, and He takes joy in the things we find delight in. 

Another thing I said this summer was, "I wish all of my friends could be together in one place!" Having friends from two entirely different places is a sweet, but strange thing as it often feels like you're in two different worlds. I wanted nothing more than all the people I loved from my home town to be with the people that I had grown to love in the new place I was living. Fast forward to last night, and minus a few people absent, that became a reality. Some friends from Nashville were asked to play at an event in San Angelo, and several of my best friends from home were able to come. It was the craziest things to have what I felt were two different worlds collide, yet it was so special to be in one place with so many people that I love. 

God is a good Father. 

He does not say "no" only because He can. He not only knows the smallest desires of our hearts, but He cares for them. So often I get this idea in my head that although everything is used by God for His plan, He does not just do things dutifully, with a task-oriented mindset. 

He orchestrates tiny things like arranging the clouds and light to create a sunset, and He orchestrates the bigger things like friends driving 14 hours from Nashville to play a concert in my home town and getting to meet my friends from San Angelo. He cares for every thought, every prayer, every hope. 

So many things in my life are changing, but I'm grateful for a God whose character is one of overwhelming love and immense faithfulness. He is as constant in the small things, like needed rain and quiet moments, as He is in the big things. If God so cares for the smallest details of my life, how much more will He care for the largest ones?

"Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." | Hosea 6:3

a speck of heaven.

Ten more days in the beautiful state that I've been able to call home for the summer. Although occasionally it feels like I've been here forever and I've forgotten little details about home, I often feel like I just arrived.

The past two and a half months have undoubtedly been the most fulfilling and encouraging time of my life. The Lord has grown me in areas that I felt I would always be weak in, humbled me in places where my pride had grown too large, and encouraged me in parts of my heart that I had shrunk back in.

At the beginning of my internship, I decided to wholeheartedly throw myself into all the opportunities that I had this summer. Although I am not typically the most spontaneous person, I knew I would regret it if I turned down many of the opportunities that were around me. Thus, I decided to strictly follow (for the most part) my life motto:
You only regret the opportunities you don't take.

This resulted in a six inch bruise on my leg from cliff jumping off a 50 foot cliff into the lake, joining a Bible Reading Group at a local church with 8-10 girls that I had never met, climbing halfway up a 145 foot bridge (Natchez Trace Bridge), investing in a selfie stick, cracking my windshield with a fellow intern while trying to take a picture, exploring an abandoned house built in 1936, acting like a tourist and taking pictures with celebrities like Hayley Williams from Paramore and Brady Toops from the Bachelorette, kayaking the Cumberland River in Nashville, and going on adventures to tiny coffee shops and pretty places.

Although not always entirely wise, I've begun to develop this love for new things that I haven't felt before. The Lord has been so good in giving me a desire for adventure and a passion to do things wholeheartedly. One of my prayers in moving to Tennessee was that I would take advantage of these opportunities and not live out of fear or discouragement.

Although I know that He is fully capable of taking away my fear, I learned the importance of faith AND action. Often, I pray half-hearted prayers, expecting God to work without me having to do anything at all. The Lord doesn't need me to do anything in order for Him to work, but when I pray and do not step out towards Him in faith, I am not truly believing that He is strong enough to hold me up.

So, when I prayed that I wouldn't live in fear, He gave me a hundred opportunities not to. Sometimes, I gave into the fear and stayed in the shallow end, in the safe part of my heart. But the times that I decided to risk being vulnerable, risk feeling embarrassed, and risk being the "new girl," the Lord met me with incredible amounts of joy and peace.

I'm forever grateful for the connections and relationships I've made during my time in this sweet place. People that I had no idea even existed three months ago have played extremely influential roles in my life this summer.

During a Bible reading group that I go to, we were discussing Ezekiel and what it says about the Lord and how it applies to our lives. Honestly, it's sometimes difficult to feel the importance of verses like, "He measured the east side with the measuring reed, 500 cubits by the measuring reed all around. He measured the north side, 500 cubits by the measuring reed all around. He measured the south side, 500 cubits by the measuring reed..." Yet I felt the Lord so clearly comfort me in those strange verses. Just like the small and seemingly insignificant details of the temple matter to the Lord, so do the small and seemingly insignificant details of my life matter to the Lord. Often, I feel like there are two piles in my relationship with the Lord: the things I can handle and the things He can handle. Though sometimes I try to handle things on my own because of pride, many times it is because I feel like they are too trivial. But the Lord is so good and delights when I offer up the small matters to Him. How silly to think that He does not desire to hear about the little things when He has done so time and time again.

The little things I ask like finding a church I love, developing genuine friendships, continuing to hear from the Lord about my future, learning to loosen my grasp on things and people that the Lord has asked me to let go of... The list goes on. But I'm so thankful for a God who listens to the small things, because the small things are often the best reminders to me that He hears us.

He delights in hearing us and giving us glimpses of Him. These little things, like friendships and nature, are little specks of Heaven and only a shadow of the things to come.

I'm thankful for a good God who lavishly loves us, graciously hears us, and overwhelmingly fills us.

sufficient

One of my favorite things to do is look back at my journal and read past pages full of my prayers, desires, and hopes.

Almost a year ago today, I wrote down the story in Matthew 14 of when Jesus calls Peter to walk on water.

"...the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, 'It is a ghost!' and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.' And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?' And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 

One of my favorite passages in the Bible, as well as one of the most difficult and scariest ones. At the end of the page I asked,

"What does it mean for me to step out of the boat, onto the water and into the waves, in obedience to You?"

A question that I asked a year ago and still find myself asking today.
What does it mean to wholeheartedly follow You?

I'm either really stubborn or the Lord just likes to answer a prayer in an immense variety of ways (I'm thinking it's the first one), because nearly every Bible study, church service, devotional, and even conversation the past two weeks have somehow touched on the topic of faith and following the Lord.

While I'm working at Show Hope in Tennessee, one of my close friends is serving with Go Now Missions in New York for the summer. It's been such a blessing to keep in touch with one another as we are both living way out of our comfort zone and seeking to be where the Lord would have us.

We were talking on the phone one night last week, and it had just been one of those days for me.

I've had an ongoing struggle with anxiety and fear in trusting the Lord. But especially since last summer, the Lord has given me so much grace as he's gently convicted me and allowed me to give so many of my worries and fears to him. I have been able to overcome so much of that part of me that I never could have imagined living without. In an incredible way that is hard for me to describe, I have never struggled with anxiety as little as I have in the past year, especially the past few months.

However, this past week was different. I felt really anxious and stressed throughout the week, and not even really for specific reasons. I was so tired - emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

So, as I was talking to my friend on the phone late one night, sitting in a bedroom in Tennessee that I get to call my own for the summer, I began to tell her of my frustration and worries. There was nothing in particular, but I had this underlying fear of trusting in the Lord.

I don't always feel that the Lord has good planned for my life. 

It sometimes seems like He says "no" just to say "no."

I'm afraid that although He says he has good plans for me, they won't be the best. 

Sometimes, if I'm really honest with myself and the ugly parts of my heart, I don't always feel that He is a good father.

It's a lie that began with Eve in the garden, choosing fruit and the promise to know as much as God instead of the joy of obeying her creator, and it's the same lie that I believe - choosing to believe that the Lord is holding out on me and doesn't have my best interests in mind so I must seek them out myself.

If I'm only willing to follow Christ when the road is easy and circumstances seem to be playing out the way I want them to, then I am saying with my heart that He is not sufficient for me.

Yet He IS.

He is so faithful despite my faithlessness.
So gracious even when my heart is cold towards Him.
Abundantly loving in the midst of my fear to trust.

I can believe that God is good because He says He is.
The Bible is filled with countless accounts of His love and faithfulness, and my life is marked with moments and stories of His abundant grace and relentless pursuit.

When the Lord called Peter out of the boat, all it took was the assurance that it was Jesus that Peter was walking towards.
No explanation of how it would work out, no details of what lied ahead, just, "It is I... Come."

Jesus calmed their fears by telling them that it was Him. That's all.

He is sufficient and I can rest in that. I don't have to know what lies ahead, how I'm going to live the rest of my life, or even this week, because I've been given the incredible opportunity to step out of the boat and, in the midst of the wind and the waves, walk towards Jesus, believing He is who He says He is.

Ironically, without remembering what I had written a year prior, I journaled this same story a few days ago and ended the page with a scary prayer that the Lord is giving me so many opportunities to play out:

I want to have faith that is blind - willing to step out of the boat and walk towards You, even though my mind is sure that water cannot hold me up. But You can. 

You hold me up.

small

If you asked me a year ago what I thought I'd be doing at this moment, I would never, ever guess this.

Right now, I'm interning at the Red Bus Project, a student initiative program of Show Hope, and learning more about the orphan crisis and how to advocate for orphans.
I'm living with a sweet, sweet couple that I only knew through a mutual friend and didn't meet until I actually started living with them.
I'm 930 miles away from my hometown and living in a place for the summer where I only know a few people.

I haven't even been here for an entire week and the Lord's faithfulness has been so apparent and overwhelming.

I was accepted for this internship in November and quickly began trying to find somewhere to live for the summer. The director of the RBP told me that it would work out, as a past intern found a place to live a week before she arrived. However, I said I was not going to be that person and set a timeline for all the things I needed to do prior to the internship, deciding that I would know where I was going to live by mid-March... Yet the Lord doesn't often do things the way I plan. I had been looking for somewhere to live for months, but every opportunity kept falling through. Ironically, I found out where I would live EXACTLY a week before I was supposed to be in Tennessee.

On Wednesday, the other interns and I were asked by our director to describe what the Lord is doing in our lives in two words...

losing control.

I was talking to one of my best friend's a couple weeks ago and told her that I felt like the Lord was loosening my grasp on every single thing I hold onto in this life. Where I was going to live this summer, relationships, and even things as small as classes were becoming impossible for me to control and plan. I was reminded of this quote by Corrie ten Boom, a survivor of the Holocaust:

"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open."

It has been incredibly difficult as the Lord has taken things out of my control and shown me how little I truly control. I've struggled and cried and fought and exhausted myself as I try to tell the Lord how I think things need to be done. Yet even through my anger and sadness and complaints, the Lord has never stopped pursuing. As much as I think I want, even need, something, the Lord is good to not give in to me. He does not give in to my complaints and limited knowledge because doing so would not be for my benefit. He is working all things for my good and will only give what is good for me, even though it may be difficult.

I'm learning that the easiest way is often not the good way. My mind is limited and although I think I know what is best, the Lord's plan is always crazier and better than what I thought possible.
I'm thankful that the Lord hears my heart and knows my desires, yet is loving enough to not always answer those cries and desires in the way that I see fit. In the most loving of ways, He reminds me that I am small and finite.

Loosening my grasp on things I hold onto has been hard and frustrating and I often want to give up. But I'm grateful to be known by a God who is sovereign over my big dreams and the seemingly insignificant hopes. Despite my sin and flaws, He is constantly reminding me of His faithfulness and sovereignty in my life.

I'm thankful for a God who is bigger than me.

adventure.

   I bought this cute little 5-year journal a little over a year ago that asks you a question every day, you write down your answer, and then you can see how your answers have changed throughout the years. With it only being a year since I answered these questions, I wasn't too excited yet to see how my answers might change. Besides, half of them are things like, "What was the last thing you ate today?", and my changing answers to questions like that didn't seem to matter much. But yesterday, it was a little different.

"Are you seeking security or adventure?"

 If you know me at all, I'm sure you can guess what my answer would be. I'm a planner, I don't often like too take risks, I worry easily, and I like to know details. I like security. So naturally, adventure for me often comes in the little ways like choosing a different flavor of Ben & Jerry's at H-E-B or trying my hand at winged eyeliner (which I'm finally getting the hang of, thank goodness!). Security sounds way easier and less painful.

So of course, last year I answered with "security."
This year, however, I wrote "adventure" at the top of that little line next to 2015.
What?

 If someone asked me what the hardest/craziest/most challenging/sweetest/scariest/most stretching year of my life has been, 2014 would win HANDS DOWN, no argument. I officially decided my major, my grandmother passed away after a long battle with cancer, I lost friends I never thought I'd lose, my sister got married, I was a leader at several church camps/events for the first time, I struggled deeply in my spiritual walk, I began my Sophomore year of college, I developed deep friendships with people who are now some of my dearest friends, I cried a lot, and I laughed a lot. If you had asked me in 2013 what this past year would've looked like, I would have in no way said that. Things came to me as a surprise and I had to learn to deal with things I had never had to deal with in the past. Honestly, it was a rough year for the most part. Yet I can confidently say that I have never experienced the closeness, graciousness, and love of Christ as much as I did in 2014.

 Though it was also one of the most difficult years spiritually, it was one of the most growing years as well. In the summer, I struggled with my salvation for a week while I was a leader at a church camp, and I remember feeling really discouraged and disappointed that I was dealing with that. Prior to that week, my relationship with the Lord felt pretty strong, for the most part, and then that week happened, and it felt like one step forward, five steps back. I remember asking my best friend for prayer and feeling almost ashamed that I needed prayer about assurance, like I should be far enough in my walk with the Lord to not be dealing with things like this. But I did deal with it, and it was hard.
 Yet if I had to point back to a time that I've felt the Lord's presence, that one tops it all. One of the hardest spiritual struggles occurred right before an overwhelming sense of Christ like I've never felt before. My darkest times of feeling alone and my deepest feelings of sadness have been met with the strongest sense of the Lord's presence and sovereignty in my life. Grace upon grace.

So, back to that journal...
Why in the world would I choose adventure over security after a year like that?
Honestly, I don't know. It's so unlike me, it's scary, and it's unknown. Looking ahead, some parts of this year already seem scary, and it's all definitely unknown. I'm officially in the Business Marketing department which although exciting, is also new and sometimes daunting. I recently got accepted for an internship this summer and I move in four months, which is so exciting yet overwhelmingly nerve-wracking. And there are so many other parts of this year that I know will bring change, and this year is going to be so crazy and overwhelming and I am nervous, to be honest. But I am so excited for all that it will bring and I'm so thankful for a God who is constantly changing me by uprooting my fears and teaching me to trust him in the midst of uncertainty and change.

That little book brings me so much hope.
Hope in knowing that the Lord is continually changing me, even when I can't see it.
Hope in looking back and seeing he was faithful, and looking forward and believing he will be faithful.
Hope in remembering that my weakness is what the Lord delights in using the most.
Hope in believing that he redeems and restores, that he fills and overflows.

 We are going through the book of Ruth at church, and our pastor pointed out something that has constantly kept coming back to my mind since I heard it. In Ruth 1, Naomi returns with her daughter-in-law to Bethlehem after her husband and two sons have died. When she arrives, everyone is asking about her, and she answers,

 "Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?"

 Towards the end of the book, Ruth has met Boaz and he has promised to care for her and be her kinsman redeemer. When she goes to the threshing floor one night to ask for him to be her redeemer, he promises, yet she leaves with even more than she asked for. He gives her a large amount of grain for her and Naomi. When Ruth returns to Naomi, she tells Naomi what Boaz has done,

"These six measures of barley he gave to me, for he said to me, 'You must not go back empty-handed to your mother-in-law."

Naomi came back empty, but the Lord wasn't going to leave her there.
The Lord takes away, yet he gives back in ways abundantly more than we could have imagined.
I'm thankful for his grace in the midst of my flaws that teaches me to seek him, to trust him, and to go on a crazy adventure.

learning

Today I had a lazy day and decided to get into the Christmas spirit by watching a Christmas movie.

I watched the 12 Dates of Christmas, which may in fact be one of the cheesiest and most 

unrealistic movies I've seen.  

SPOILER ALERT...

The whole movie line is that Kate is dying to get married after having broken up with her boyfriend of two years, who she's never really gotten over. She is given a chance for a new relationship on Christmas Eve, but ends it quickly after the opportunity to see her ex-boyfriend again. However, she finds out that he's about to propose to his new girlfriend. Long story short, at the end of Christmas Eve, everything rewinds and she starts the day over. For the majority of the days, Kate tries to do everything she can to get back together with her ex-boyfriend. She encounters various people throughout her day, yet she is so focused on her one task that she never stops to get to know them. 

On one of the days, someone tells her that "you can change every single thing about yourself, and it still wouldn't work, because you can't change 'fate'."

After that, Kate begins to quit focusing on getting back with her ex-boyfriend and decides to just "live in the moment." She begins to meet these people she sees throughout her daily life and finds ways to get to know them, listen to them, and make their lives better in any way she can. 

And like any Christmas movie, everyone ends up happily ever after.

Although I believe it's the Lord's sovereignty, not fate, that brings things about, I couldn't help but be impacted by this cheesy, inspirational Christmas movie on two different notes. 

The first one being that especially since being in college, I can often get this mentality that school should be my main priority at this time of my life. I spent my last year of college doing just that, and although making good grades is good, it is in no way fulfilling, and I found that out the hard way. 

When I began my Sophomore year this fall, I decided to spend less time worrying about grades and assignments and more time developing lasting and genuine friendships. When I stopped going to class just to listen to a lecture and counting the hours until I could go home, I began to realize that there's so much more. I developed friendships with classmates that I spent time with outside of class, had conversations with people between classes, and discovered a whole slew of people who are all in very different places and have so many different things to offer. 

I've begun to pray that I would see college as so much more than just classes and exams, but as people and opportunities, and the Lord has been so faithful to continue to answer that prayer. 

"I shiver, thinking how easy it is to be totally wrong about people, to see one tiny part of them and confuse it for the whole." - Lauren Oliver

The second thing that impacted me was the quote in the movie: "You can change every single thing about yourself, and it still wouldn't work, because you can't change 'fate'." 

On a less dramatic level and a more real level, I've gone through a big chunk of my life trying to become a certain thing in order to please people. Trying to be less sensitive, more funny, less emotional, more easy-going. I've tried to be what I think that people want or need, only to realize that I can never be everything someone wants or needs... And what a deep, deep relief that is. Not that there isn't room for change, as there definitely is, but being reminded that it's Christ who has changed and continues to change us, not anything that we can do on our own.

Although cliche, the Lord created each of us as who we are for a magnificent reason and purpose. There is such a lightness and freedom in discovering that and beginning to find delight, not dread, in the things that make us unique.

"I use to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essense of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to emphasize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep apprecitation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness to others pain and my passion for it all."

I'm thankful that the Lord loves us, desires us, teaches us, and uses the smallest of things to speak to us, even the cheesiest of Christmas movies on a lazy Sunday afternoon.