following.

as of lately...

sometimes... i forget the goodness of Jesus.
and i hate that feeling. i go through minutes, hours, days, sometimes even weeks, anxious and stressed out.
the story of mary and martha has been heavy on my heart lately.
it's a popular story, but the conviction is always
there, regardless of how many times i hear it.

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.'

-Luke 10:38-42

dang.
today has been one of those days... i have so much to do... and just sitting still at the feet of Jesus doesn't sound like a very good way to get things done.
but then again, the Lord usually doesn't do things my way.

i don't want to be religious. rushing around, just DOING things for Jesus.
if it doesn't overflow from a heart of love for Christ, what's the point?
works without faith is empty.

do i trust the Lord enough that i don't have to worry, because
news flash: he's in control. not me.
and he's not holding out on me either...
Matthew 6:25-34 is a perfect example of that.


i want to follow Jesus in every season, not just in the ones i understand.
teach me to follow you blindly.

music.

one of my friends started trying to teach me how to play guitar.
i know three chords! haha, it's kind of a big deal.

anyways...
i was sitting in my room, playing those three chords i know over and over again, listening to Taylor Swift... and Jesus spoke. this isn't uncommon because he speaks often, and sometimes his quiet, simple, and tender words are my favorite ones.
i was watching the strings on my guitar, how they move when you strum them, and i realized something.

i'm a lot like those guitar stings.
when you strum a guitar, particularly hard, i'm always afraid they're going to break.
they vibrate back and forth, threatening to snap... but, after a few moments of this, they go still. right back to their original position.

so often in my life, i go through circumstances, some of which are painful and uncomfortable, and i don't think i can endure it. i'm done trying, it hurts too much...
but.
the Lord reminds me. he often uses people, words, situations, and tiny things that i hardly pay attention to, that it's a necessary piece in my story.
he doesn't wound me without reason.
and ultimately, it's for my good.

but the best part?
guitar strings make beautiful sounds when they're strummed.
not when they just sit there.

the days that i feel anxious, hurt, and tried are the same days that my worship is the most genuine... when i speak out of the deep parts of my heart.

i'm praying that my life wouldn't be care-free and without pain, but that it would be one where the Lord uses whatever he sees best to evoke the worship from my heart.
and that it would be glorious, beautiful music.