honesty.

time for honesty.

the past couple of weeks have been HARD.
emotionally, i've been a wreck.
{praise Jesus for a bff and momma who listen}

but i just got back from one of the most fulfilling, joyful, and Jesus-filled weekend ever.
lately, i've been going through some things... someone asked me why i hadn't acted on them, and i said that i was waiting on God.
but then she said something that i'll remember forever...
"maybe you're not waiting on the Lord... maybe he's waiting on YOU to act on what he's already put in your heart."

umm. that was convicting.
but from obeying, i've experienced so much joy that only comes from Jesus.
and to be completely honest, it didn't end up exactly the way i had hoped.
people got hurt.
so, i second-guessed myself a few times...
"surely this isn't right... hurting people isn't part of His plan..."
but then i was reminded of what Jesus tells his disciples:

"...if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

Jesus didn't shy away from hurt.
i'm sure the families of these men ached as they said goodbye to follow Jesus.
that hurt.
i'm sure it was hard for these guys to leave their loved ones.
that hurt.
but here's the thing...

it was WORTH IT.

i want to follow Jesus regardless of what it costs me.
even if it hurts.
even when it seems too much to bear.
even during the times i do it alone.

because He is WORTH IT.

may i never stray from the cross of Christ...