{"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me..." -Psalm 138:8}i officially finished my freshman year of college as of last friday. oh man.
now, with studying and homework and finals behind me, i've been able to step back, breathe a little, and think about this past year of my life. although there have been so many sweet memories and moment to look back on, there have also been moments of hardship.
i have learned so much about myself.
cliche, i know. what a typical college freshman thing to say.
but it's true.
i have also learned an incredible amount about the Lord.
from as early as i can remember, trusting the Lord and laying my plans at his feet has always been immensely difficult for me. control is something that i've always tried to have throughout my life. ironically, it's of course something that i can never truly have. from the moment i surrendered my life to the Lord, i gave up all present and future control. my life is no longer mine. unfortunately, i often try to snatch up my plans that i've given over to the Lord. i try to plan my future or dream up scenarios of how my life is going to go. how silly i am to think that i am wise enough to plan my life.
throughout this past year, my life has gone ways that i never thought it would go, good and bad.
this was not how i planned my life would be one year ago.
yet, despite all of the painful moments and in light of all the happy ones, i don't think i would change a thing. the Lord has used every single circumstance to draw me closer to himself.
i have learned how to hold things dear and how to let them go.
i've learned that there is a season for everything.
i've learned to embrace the sweet moments, because they won't last forever.
i've learned to forgive in the hard times, because they won't last forever either.
i've learned to uncover parts of my heart that i've hidden out of fear.
i've learned that loving is hard.
i've learned to lean on the Lord in some of the darkest days.
i've learned to laugh, and laugh a lot.
i've learned that trusting God is a daily choice.
i am so thankful that i'm continually being sanctified and renewed. nothing is sweeter than resting in the knowledge that i am loved by a God whose love does not change. i don't have to fear that he'll change his mind, or that he'll leave after discovering hidden pieces of me. i can trust that he is good. he cares for me. and because of that, i am also able to trust that he cares about my life from the smallest detail to the largest mountain. yes, the future is scary, but Jesus is already in the future. i don't have to fear. my greatest hope is that the Lord will teach me how to fully trust in Him and that I will learn to place my life in his great hands.
"The only life I have left to live is future life. The past is not in my hands to offer or alter. It is gone. Not even God will change the past. All the expectations of God are future expectations. All the possibilities of faith and love are future possibilities. And all the power that touches me with help to live in love is future power. As precious as the bygone blessings of God may be, if He leaves me only with the memory of those, and not with the promise of more, I will be undone. My hope for future goodness and future glory is future grace." - John Piper
