It's been awhile since I've blogged, so get ready for a LONG one.
I just got home from Guatemala two weeks ago (sixteen days to be exact, though it feels like forever), and thought I'd share a few things that the Lord has been speaking to me about lately, especially while I was in Guat.
The whole time during that three-hour flight to my favorite country, I was anxious...
I'm not talking anxious as in so-excited-I-can't-wait-to-be-there-anxious, but ANXIOUS.
Nervous. Fearful. Stressed out.
Rewind a few hours.
I'm in a van, twenty minutes from the Midland airport, and I realize I forgot my retainers.
Now, for some of you, this might not seem like a big deal, but for me... It's a big deal. I've never forgotten them before...
A week without my retainers?
You're kidding me.
I remember texting a few of my friends and asking them to pray that the Lord would calm my fears and of course, keep my teeth straight.
Another fear of mine was actually being there...
When I went in the summer, there were two sweet college girls from the States, also helping in the baby house, one of which is even fluent in Spanish. I can put a few words together for a short and sufficient conversation, but nowhere near the ability to be able to fully express myself and understand others.
So as you can imagine, I was quite nervous of working in the baby house and being the only fluent English speaker... Haha.
When we got there on Wednesday, I was able to see some people who I love so very much, and that was beyond wonderful.
On Thursday, I went down to Casa Los Angelitos, also known as the baby house, and before I had even stepped onto the porch, one of my dearest friends in the world, Stephanie, called my name and came running up the stairs to me...
That was one of the sweetest reunions I've ever experienced.
I walked inside and got to hug every single one of those precious babies... Four months of loving unleashed. :) And then, I turned around and Stephanie held a beautiful baby girl named Dulce out to me for me to hold.
From the moment I met her, that girl completely captured my heart. She is thirteen months old, but can't sit up by herself and can hardly hold her head up for very long. Her mom left her in her crib all the time, so she hasn't really developed mentally...
BUT.
She is precious and wonderful and perfect, and a beautiful example of Psalm 139:14.
{I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.}
Over the next few days, God continued to reveal his faithfulness to me, even in the smallest things.
When I was there in June, one of the babies never once spoke and hardly ever smiled...
Now he's doing both in abundance. Giggling and talking like never before.
Maria was just learning how to walk when I left in the summer, and now she walks around, playing everywhere.
On Sunday, I had the opportunity to talk with one of my good friends from there...
Long story short, the Lord is continually pursuing him and revealing Himself and His character to him, and not a day goes by that I'm not praying that God will draw him to Himself and that he will come to know the one true God, intimately and personally.
Fast forward to Tuesday.
We had an all-day retreat planned for the teenage girls of Casa Bernabe, and everyone was excited. :)
A sweet couple from the States who are living in Guatemala City allowed us to use their home so the girls could have a little get-away.
We left the orphanage at about 7:30 that morning, and started our first session around 8ish. Haley talked about dealing with hurt, and she asked all of the girls to write down {in the journals we gave them} every single thing that has hurt, wounded, or scarred them.
You see, every one of these precious girls have a past of sexual abuse...
So we knew this was going to be a touchy subject.
But the only way to heal is if you acknowledge that there IS hurt there.
The girls scattered throughout the house, and you could hear sobs from these beautiful girls as they remembered and put down on paper experiences, words, and actions that have brought pain that I can't even imagine.
One of the girls asked Toni Steere, who is one of two of the absolutely AMAZING social workers
"So, she wants us to write down EVERYTHING that has hurt us?"
Toni said yes, that's what she said.
To which the girl replied, "Well, I'm going to need more paper."
We had given her a 100-page journal... One hundred pages.
A little later, we started the second session, which was on accepting healing.
Haley explained that after we acknowledge our hurt, we have to cry out to the Lord about it...
Every experience in the Bible when it says that the Lord comes, saw, heard, or rescued someone, it's because they cried out to Him.
He doesn't force Himself on us- He will only come when we cry out.
Haley asked that the girls read over their list, and cry out to God about each specific thing that they had written down.
I glanced around the house and saw girls weeping, praying, and surrendering their pain to Christ.
There were three girls in the dining room: one was sitting at the end of the table with her head in her hands, another girl was on the opposite end with her face on the table...
The third girl was under the table, lying flat on her face, crying out to the Lord.
Such an incredible picture of surrender.
Haley said that after they had prayed about their list, and when they were ready, to throw their letter in the fire, and in return, receive a beautiful tiara.
BEAUTY for ASHES.
One of the girls went to the fire, and instead of just tearing all the papers out and throwing all of them in together, she tore out a page one by one, and threw it in the fire, one by one, as of she was specifically giving each hurt to Christ.
I wish you could have seen the faces on these girls when they exchanged their past for a crown.
It was one of the sweetest, most beautiful things I've ever seen.
I'm still so humbled and grateful that the Lord allowed me to be there to watch that.
We had four other sessions, each dealing with different things...
At the end of the last session, we had worship, and oh, God was there.
I sat there surrounded by these girls who truly amaze me, and had the opportunity to worship our Creator with them.
I sat there and closed my eyes, listening to their beautiful voices singing to King Jesus in a different language.
Every tribe.
Every nation.
Every tongue.
At some point, I started crying...
Overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord, and also realizing that this was the last time I would see them again until I'm given the opportunity to go back.
Deborah {one of the wittiest, funniest, most caring girls i've ever met} glanced over, and seeing that I was crying, grabbed my hand and just held it, the simplest act of love...
She didn't even have to say anything.
About fifteen minutes later, still holding my hand, she went to get something, so she gently put my hand in my lap, patted it, and motioned that she would be right back.
When she came back, she took my hand again and held it the whole time we worshipped.
After we ended, and everyone was getting ready to eat a late dinner, I went into one of the bedrooms and just wept. I remember not even being able to speak, just whispering, "Jesus... Jesus..." over and over.
Praise the Lord that He knows my heart even when I don't have the words to tell Him.
One of the precious girls saw me and asked what was wrong.
All I could say was, "Casa manana", which means, "Home tomorrow."
She quickly gave me a hug and with no hesitation said, "Estas en mi corazon." Otherwise known as....
You're in my heart.
I cried even more, amazed that God had placed this sweet, beautiful child of Him in my life.
And let me just say, she's in my heart as well.
We all cried some more... The girls prayed for us, and Toni told us what she said later... Truly amazing.
Then, coincidentally the same girl who spoke those words saying that I was in her heart, would be leaving Casa Bernabe to go back to her family soon.
Her family situation was hard, and though I don't know the details, I knew that everything wasn't very good.
She is one of my role-models.
She was excited to go back to her family.
Ready for a new, fresh start.
Her courage is unbelievable.
We didn't get back to Casa Bernabe until around nine, and everyone was already in their house, many already asleep. I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of the people I wanted to, but there was one friend who holds a special place in my heart that I was aching to see one last time.
I walked down to the baby house, and prayed the whole way there that she was still awake.
The light was on. I knocked... "con permiso?" And opened the door to see my sweet friend, Stephanie, sitting at the dining room table. :)
I said goodbye, each of us tearing up... This goodbye being much, much harder to say than the last time.
We left early the next morning... About three hours later, I was sitting on a plane leaving the country that holds my heart. I'm amazed at how a plane can bring both excitement AND sadness.
But Jesus is faithful.
The fact that He allowed me to go to this beautiful place twice in four months is so incredible to me... I am constantly blown away by His graciousness to us.
After a long day of traveling, I got home to see so many of the people I love.
Blessed again.
There are still so many little details that I could spend forever telling, but I'll spare you unless you ask. :)
All that to say... My Jesus is so GOOD.
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and to the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn...
to grant to those who mourn in Zion- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that THEY MAY BE CALLED oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord..."
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| beautiful girls. |
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| stephanie and i with two sweet babies. |
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| this girl... can't even describe how much she means to me. |
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| precious, precious little boy. |
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| she has completely and utterly stolen my heart. |
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| found this on my camera soon after we left. <3 xoxo. - lindsey |
